How Do You Burn Poptarts!
by SilentGreenThief
Summary: After being kicked out of the apartment he once shared with Ryou, Bakura moves into Marik's apartment just down the street. But Marik has a knack for getting on Bakura's nerves... Post-canon, slight thiefshipping.


We all know it, but I'll do it anyway.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series, or any of the characters in either of these shows.**

Okay, so this isn't a YGO:TAS fanfiction... But I did borrow LilKuriboh's habit of calling Yami Marik "Melvin". Calling him Yami Marik all the time is annoying, just "Yami" is already taken (-cough- Atem -cough-), and the whole Marik/Malik idea is just plain confusing. So, Melvin. Don't like it? Then let me direct you to our customer service.

_-CUSTOMER SERVICE-_

**Bakura: **"I don't care."

Enjoy.

* * *

"I'm Marik bloody Ishtar, and I'm the greatest bloody thing in bloody creation."

Marik grinned. "You know, I don't say bloody that much, Fluffy."

"Oh, shut up Marik."

Bakura had been living with Marik for about six months now, after Ryou kicked him out of the apartment they had shared. Ryou hadn't wanted to put up with Bakura's thieving any longer – in fact Bakura was mildly surprised Ryou had even told him to leave. Ordinarily Ryou was far too meek and concerned about the feelings of others to do something like kick a flatmate out of his apartment.

Ryou had then told him that he'd talked to Marik (who conveniently lived only two minutes walk away from their apartment), and got permission for Bakura to stay there instead. He knew Ryou was only trying to help, but... Marik? Really Ryou? Muttering under his breath, Bakura continued to flick through the few channels they had available on the barely-working TV Marik had bought.

"Bakuuuuraaaaaaa..."

The white-haired yami groaned. "What have you done now, Marik?"

"..."

Turning off the TV, Bakura got up from the decaying couch and reluctantly made his way over to the kitchen. The smell reached him before he managed to get to the doorway, and he stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose, pausing long enough to remain calm before entering the kitchen.

Marik stood sheepishly in front of the... Well, what used to be the stovetop. Marik had somehow managed to shatter the glass, and the whole thing was covered in white foam, presumably from the fire extinguisher Marik was holding.

"... What did you do, Marik."

"Well... I sort of tried to make some pop tarts, and then-"

Bakura held up his hand, not sure he actually wanted to know how Marik had managed to mess up cooking something as simple as pop tarts. Bakura couldn't exactly cook either, but he could at least make pop tarts without destroying half the bloody kitchen.

"Never mind. I don't actually want to know."

Sighing, Bakura just left, walking down the hallway to his room.

* * *

Marik watched Bakura leave, pouting. He knew he'd messed up... But he really hated it when Bakura treated him like an idiot. _Pop tarts are hard to make! _He thought idly, tossing the fire extinguisher to one side. Leaving the mess behind him, Marik walked down the hallway toward Bakura's room.

Standing in front of the white door, Marik hesitated. Bakura really, _really_ hated it when Marik tried to come into his room... Though he wasn't entirely sure why. Bakura was just weird sometimes. _Psychotic really... But not as psychotic as Melvin..._ Marik shuddered at the thought of his insane yami, who had mysteriously reappeared along with Bakura after the Pharaoh Atem had been released into the afterlife. Neither of them had bothered to explain how they had both escaped the shadow realm and got their own bodies, despite Marik and Ryou's best efforts.

_Knock, knock.  
_

* * *

Bakura sighed when he heard Marik knocking on the door to his room. He really was too soft for his own good – Marik, that is. He'd always been pretty pathetic, but after living with him for a while Bakura had realized just how 'delicate' Marik actually was. All Bakura had to do was make one wrong comment or one too many jokes about Marik's non-existent intelligence, and suddenly Marik would be pouting and whimpering about how mean Bakura was.

_Bloody idiot._

The knocking continued, despite Bakura ignoring it. _I suppose he's just going to keep knocking if I don't respond,_ Bakura thought with a sigh. Rising from the wooden-slat bed he had... _borrowed_ from a store, Bakura opened the door to see Marik stop mid-knock.

"_What?" _Bakura growled, enjoying witnessing the effect it had on Marik.

* * *

Marik froze. _Oh eff_. When Bakura growled like that, it was a pretty good indication that Marik was about to get punched in the next ten seconds.

"... Hi Fluffy!" Marik chirped, grinning widely.

Bakura merely stared at him, obviously unamused.

"Um..." Marik paused, wondering why he hadn't thought of what he was going to say when he got Bakura's attention.

"You haven't thought of what you're going to say, have you?"

_No, Bakura, I haven't, but you don't need to know that._

"I wanted to know if you wanted to go steal a new stove!"

Marik didn't often manage to surprise Bakura, but every single time it was worth it to see the usually composed yami freeze, his expression jumping into one of shock.

"... You want to go and _steal._"

"That is what I said, Fluffy. Ra, it's like you've never stolen before."

* * *

"_Ra, it's like you've never stolen before."_

Ha. If only Marik knew. Bakura was surprised that Marik actually wanted to do something illegal.

"... I thought you were a goody-good like the rest of the Yugi group? Didn't Atem take away all the hatred and evil inside of you?"

Bakura was even more surprised when his question was met with a very-Marik like grin, familiar of the one he used during their brief partnership.

"That's what everyone believed. It's easy to get away with stuff when nobody expects you to be the one doing it."

"... I have to admit, Marik... I'm impressed."

_This... could be interesting._

Marik grinned wider in response, his tanned skin contrasting against his white teeth.

_... When did you become so attractive?_

"What, Bakura?"

_... Did I just say that out loud._

"Did you just call me attractive?"

_... Fuck._

"No, Marik, it must have been your imagination." Bakura smiled crookedly. "We could also steal a new TV and a couch. I seriously doubt that the TV's going to last another month."

"Could we steal a cable set too?"

"Why not?"

* * *

**AN:** My first completed one shot. Yes! Well, my first completed fanfic too. I kinda like this one, tbh. I didn't really want to get into too much thiefshipping. I haven't really written romance of any kind before, especially not yaoi romance, but at the same time... Oh come on, you two, just get together!

I wanted to explore their relationship a bit more, and I felt I did just that. If you have any suggestions or comments, let me know in the reviews.

Thanks for reading!

- _SilentGreenThief_


End file.
